MANNERS

ETIQUETTE

TABLE MANNERS

Social etiquette for the well-bred woman

Social standing and one's place in society was everything. One might hope to advance through material gains but had little hope to do so without the correct courtesy and manners. Manners could make or break a person and lack of them could certainly get you relieved of your life. A woman was always expected to be the epitome of good manners no matter what her status in life and the higher a woman is born the more essential it is for her to act appropriately. Manners which are appropriate for a man are not always appropriate for a woman. Indeed it is completely unseemly that a woman swear for any reason whatsoever. It would bring great shame upon her father or husband.

Women are instructed to be gracious in their deporture and not wriggle their shoulders. Hair is almost certainly to be covered in one of the latest fashions outside the house. For a great deal of the medieval period, to go out with a bare head when one is not a child would have a woman marked as a prostitute. Unless one is a washerwoman of a labourer engaged in low, manual labour, the same can be said for arms. They are never bare. If a gown with wide sleeves is worn, then another with close fitted sleeves is worn under it to prevent this happening. A woman's neckline may be low, however- as low as her armpits- but no lower.

When out in society, is important that a woman's hands not be touched by a man who is not of her family. Hand-holding was quite inappropriate. When traveling outside the home, is it acceptable for any to walk arm in arm with her female companion or a male member of her family. A woman of good breeding does not venture out alone. A working woman or a mother in a small peasant household may have cause to go out alone, but only when unavoidable. Where possible, she would send a son on an errand on her behalf or seek the security of another woman's company when going to the bakehouse or to the creek for washing.

For a woman to enter a conversation with a stranger would lead to only her gaining of a bad reputation and to accept a kiss from a male friend or acquaintance, even on the cheek, from a man who is not related by blood or marriage will have tongues wagging and ruin a woman's reputation. In the middle ages, a woman's reputation was everything.

One must never address a social superior first, especially if one is a woman, and an appropriate greeting must be given. It is considered the height of rudeness to avert your gaze to a man or woman who ranks higher than yourself. Honesty is judged by the directness in the eyes and to hide one's face was interpreted as dishonesty and ill-intent.

It was also unthinkable for a woman to turn her back on a social superior. She should wait for them to pass or remove herself from the room backwards.

When introducing a person, should there be no man to do it for her, a woman must introduce the highest rank to the lowest and then vice versa. This is still true for introductions today. An error in the order of introduction can be a grave insult indeed.

Should a woman find herself in the company of important people and another important one arrives, she must bow and move away to permit the newcomer the privilege of standing closer. It is always better to err on the side of caution in this regard as it is better to appear humble and meek than ill-mannered and rude.

When she enters the house or room of a person of equal standing, a woman ought bow. If of higher standing, she must kneel on the right knee. Should she be presented to the Queen, she must kneel at the door, enter only halfway and kneel again. Only if she is motioned further must she go closer.

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