For The Well-bred Medieval Woman
MANNERS - ETIQUETTE - CONVERSDATION - DEPORTMENT
- DRESSING APPROPRIATELY
ACCEPTING GIFTS - TABLE MANNERS - RULES FOR THE TABLE
were a very important part of a medieval woman's life. The common
misconception of a rough and rude society with little polish is
a widely-mistaken belief.
It is true that medieval life could be violent and dangerous but
people from all walks of life were bound to adhere to a certain
amount of daily courtesy. To fail to do so was social peril and
could cost a person their life for an insult, whether real or
perceived, against a person of higher social standing.
The late medieval poem, How The
Good Wife Taught Her Daughter gives motherly advice for general
deportment in public:
And when thou goest on thy
Go thou not too fast,
Brandish not with thy head,
Nor with thy shoulders cast,
Have not too many words,
From swearing keep aloof.
For all such manners
Come to an evil proof.
for the well-bred woman
and ones place in society was everything in the medieval world.
One might hope to advance through material gains but had little
hope to do so without the correct courtesy and manners.
A woman was always expected to be the epitome of good manners
no matter what her status in life and the higher a woman was born,
the more essential it was for her to act appropriately.
Manners which were appropriate for a man were not always appropriate
for a woman. Indeed, it was completely unseemly that a woman swear
for any reason whatsoever. Common women might, but generally,
it wasn't good breeding. It would bring great shame upon her father
The medieval writer, Robert of Blois, admitted that ladies needed
to know how to behave, but that it was difficult for women-
If she speaks, someone says
it is too much. If she is silent, she is reproached for not
knowing how to greet people. If she is friendly and courteous,
someone pretends it is for love. If on the other hand, she
does not put on a bright face, she passes for being too proud.
A woman who entered a conversation
with a stranger would only gain herself a bad reputation and to
accept a kiss from a male friend or acquaintance or from a man
who is not related by blood or marriage, even on the cheek, would
have had tongues wagging and have ruined a woman's reputation.
the middle ages, a woman's reputation was everything.
One must never address a social superior
first, especially if one was a woman, and an appropriate greeting
must be given. It was considered the height of rudeness to avert
your gaze to a man or woman who ranked higher than oneself. Honesty
was judged by the directness in the eyes and to hide ones face
was interpreted as dishonesty and ill-intent.
It was also unthinkable for a woman to turn her back on a social
superior. She should wait for the person to pass or have removed
herself from the room backwards.
When introducing a person, should
there have been no man to do it for her, convention dictated that
a woman must introduce the highest rank to the lowest and then
vice versa. This is still true for introductions today.
An error in the order of introduction could have been a grave
insult indeed. Should a woman have found herself in the company
of important people and another important one arrive, she must
bow and move away to permit the newcomer the privilege of standing
When a woman entered the house or room of a person of equal standing,
a woman ought bow. If of higher standing, she must kneel on the
right knee. Should she have been presented to the Queen, she knelt
at the door, entered only halfway and knelt again. Only if she
was motioned further might she have gone closer.
It was always better to err on the side of caution in this regard
as it was better to appear humble and meek than ill-mannered and
Women were instructed to be gracious in their deporture and not
wriggle their shoulders, looking straight ahead with a tranquil
and measured air. When out in society, is was important that a
woman's hands not be touched by a man who is not of her family.
Hand-holding was quite inappropriate.
Robert de Blois also wrote that
Ladies should walk erect,
with dignity, neither trotting nor running, nor dallying either,
with their eyes fixed on the ground ahead of them. They were
to be particularly careful that they do not regard men as
the sparrowhawk does the lark.
When traveling outside the home, it was acceptable for any woman
to walk arm in arm with her female companion or a male member
of her family. A woman of good breeding did not venture out alone.
A working woman or a mother in a small peasant household may have
cause to go out alone, but only when unavoidable.
Where possible, she would send a son on an errand on her behalf
or seek the security of another woman's company when going to
the bakehouse or to the creek for washing.
Hair was almost certainly to be covered in one of the latest fashions
outside the house.
For a great deal of the medieval period, to go out with a bare
head when one was not a child, could have a woman marked as a
prostitute or a women of dubious morals.
Unless one was a washerwoman or a engaged in manual labour, arms
were never bare. If
a gown with wide sleeves was worn, then another with close fitted
sleeves was worn under it to prevent this happening.
At certain times, the fashion for lower cut gowns were popular.
Of course, one who wore her dress too, low-cut was marked for
comment and gossip. It was assertained that a woman's neckline
may be low, as low as her armpits, but no lower.
It was extrememly important that her chemise not show, until the
renaissance and Italian fashions took hold.
A good general rule of thumb was that the under layer was covered
by the next: the chemise was covered by the kitrle, the kirtle
by the surcote. One would not expect to find a visible kirtle
neckline under a surcote.
Chemise sleeves were never seen in public. Only if the pin-on
sleeves had been removed for manusal tasks might they be visible,
but a women never left the house or would recieve company without
first covering them. The exception might be farm workers with
short-sleeved kirtles on a hot summer's day, as seen in the image
at the right, from the Tres Huers du Duk du Berry, early
The Medieval Art of Love by Michael Camille tells us a
little about love's gifts, what may and may not be freely given
to a lady without being inappropriate.
tells us of a text by Andreas Capellanus which states-
A lover may freely accept
from her beloved these things- a handkerchief, a hairband, a
circlet of gold or silver, a brooch for the breast, a mirror,
a belt, a purse, a lace for clothes, a comb, cuffs, gloves,
a ring, a little box of scent, a portrait, toiletries, little
vases, trays, a standard as a keepsake of the lover, and so
to speak more generally, a woman may accept from her love whatever
gift may be useful in the care of her person, or may look charming,
or may remind her of her lover, providing, however, that in
accepting the gift it is clear that she is acting quite without
This also gives us an insight into
what kinds of items were freely available at that time.
Medieval people were very religious and prayer was an integral
part of the day. A prayer would certainly always be said before
any meal even when eating at home.
Hands were always washed both before and after a meal. Even people
with little in the way of tableware were conscious of basic hygiene
and good manners. Mothers have, after all, changed very little
over the course of time and always sought to instill the best
manners she can in her offspring. There is little hope of social
improvement with no manners and should one be called upon to serve
a person of higher rank, and it was imperative that offense not
be given, even unintentionally.
A feast would begin by less important people washing their hands
before going to the table. To fail to do so was the height of
rudeness. The upper class and guests of honour would be seated
by a servant. A washing bowl would be delivered to them at the
The chaplain would say a prayer before any of the food is brought
to the tables. Communal plates were usual and meant to serve four
people at once. The guests at the high table, however, only had
to share with one other person.
image at right shows a scene from the Duk du Berry's Tres Riches
Heures, illuminated 1412-1416. Food and fine clothing show
a standard of living above the average man.
The Roman de la Rose, a famous French poem from the 13th
century, gives advice to a woman in her table manners:
She ought also to behave properly
at table. She must be very careful not to dip her fingers in
the sauce up to the knuckles, nor to smear her lips with soup
or garlic or fat meat, nor to take too many pieces or too large
a piece and put them in her mouth.
She must hold the morsel with the tips of her fingers and dip
it into the sauce, whether it be thick, thin, or clear, then
convey the mouthful with care, so that no drop of soup or sauce
or pepper falls on to her chest.
When drinking, she should exercise such care that not a drop
is spilled upon her, for anyone who saw that happen might think
her very rude and coarse. And she must be sure never to touch
her goblet when there is anything in her mouth. Let her wipe
her mouth so clean that no grease is allowed to remain upon
it, at least not upon her upper lip, for when grease is left
on the upper lip, globules appear in the wine, which is neither
pretty nor nice.
Rules for the table
- Persons of lower rank stand upon
the head of the house and important guests entering or leaving
- One uses one's own knife which was brought with oneself.
- Forks were cooking utensils. Never eat with them.
- Food is picked up by stabbing with the knife but NEVER did
the knife go to the mouth.
- The food must be removed fromt he knife with the fingertips
- Do not make many selections and gather them to your plate.
- Keep your elbows off the table while eating.
- Do not belch or spit at the table.
- Do not stuff your mouth full.
- Do not dip meat or fingers directly into the salt bowl. Use
the knife tip.
- Do not leave a spoon in a dish when you were finished.
- Do not use the knife to pick your teeth.
- Do not take all the choicest morsels for yourself.
- Meat should be cut from the joint.
- Bread should be cut, not broken and the upper crust offered
to the guest.
- It is acceptable to select fruits, tarts and morsels with
- A spoon should be used for broth. Do not lift the plate to
- Under no circumstances eat the trencher (plate of stale bread).
- Napkins to be placed over the left shoulder or left wrist
- Do not wipe your mouth on your sleeve- use a napkin.
- Take a cup with both hands to drink if it is shared.
- Wipe your mouth on a napkin before drinking from a shared
- If you are offered a drink from the host's cup, do not pass
the cup around.